Witty Dining Fan Gifts

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"What did Jesus order?"

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

'How d'you want your eggs - down your pants, over your head...?'

Our Troubled Chowders

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Fast Food Restaurant

'Shall I bring two children's meals, or will Madam regurgitate her own?'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

Salad Hat

Sudoku toilet paper

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

"Have you folks eaten here before, or shall I explain the concept?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

Milly's Home-Style Restaurant

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

I recommend the ketchup.

"Bring me a bottle of chardonnay and one long straw."

Slow food.

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

"Excuse me, but I ordered the 'cage-free' eggs!"

"I don't want any pie, so can I get Ice Cream A La Mode!"