Snobby Dining Fan Gifts

'Please pass the Grey Purr-r-pon.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"What did Jesus order?"

'We'll start with a menu and a glass of water.'

"How about a little more coffee?"

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"....and some apple pie for dessert...oh miss, remember that a la mode!"

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

"I'm told the omelettes here have a broader purpose."

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

"We think it sort of brightens up the breakfast."

"Captain, this Brie is totally out of control!"

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"Hey, Merle, table 8 wants ham and eggs. . . Errr. . . chocolate!"

'Red meat is bad for you.' 'No, red meat is not bad for me. Green meat is bad for me!'

"She isn't a 'young lady'. That's my wife!"

OPENING NIGHT OF HARVEY'S CANOE RESTAURANT WAS A HUGE SUCCESS...DESPITE THE CAPSIZE INCIDENT

'How's your liver?', 'Okay for now, but my doctor told me to take it easy.'