Snobby Foodie Gifts

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

Inappropriate garnish.

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'A sandwich?'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

The Chef's dumplings were his speciality.

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"It's adjusted for inflation. A dollar a chip."

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

"It's not even artisanal."

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

'I love pretentious pasta!'

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.