Food Snobbery Gifts

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

Posh Deli - Fois gras, caviar, animal feed.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

Inappropriate garnish.

'A sandwich?'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"I can't find a decent bagel in this place."

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

'I love pretentious pasta!'

"It's not even artisanal."

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

"Yes, we have several specials. But if we offered them to everybody, they wouldn't be special, would they?"

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.

'No Stilton?...what sort of a food bank is this?'

"Dig your garden? Sure... can you cook chateaubriand?"

'Whoa, this is an exiguous amount of cheese for $25.00, you need to put on a tie.'

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'