Food Snobbery Gifts

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

Posh Deli - Fois gras, caviar, animal feed.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

Inappropriate garnish.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

'A sandwich?'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"I can't find a decent bagel in this place."

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

'I love pretentious pasta!'

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

"It's not even artisanal."

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

'No Stilton?...what sort of a food bank is this?'

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

'Whoa, this is an exiguous amount of cheese for $25.00, you need to put on a tie.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

"It's a bit highbrow for my taste!"

'Oh good. I was afraid it was meant for us.'