Foodie Snob Gifts

"Sorry, but 'plain ol' water' isn't on our menu."

Counting ribs

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Kitchen Kapers

Benihana style of cooking.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Important Food Groups

The Streets - Night

Burnt or Raw?

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

Avocado Timeline

Will work for Food Network.

A convenient attack of swine flu...