Culinary Snob Gifts

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'A sandwich?'

Oh but this is a theme restaurant. Our theme is keeping people like you out.

'Very good, sir. An excellent, pompous, arrogant and elitist choice.'

"Bad news, Sam, we're going haute and you have to take off your cap."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"Yes, we have several specials. But if we offered them to everybody, they wouldn't be special, would they?"

"Gross, a Hawaiian pizza! Next thing you know, they'll have an Italian pizza!"

'You call that restaurant upscale? I couldn't even get a pitcher of Champagne.'

'The raie beurre noir Chez Nicky is a revelation. Possessed of state of the art aerodynamic capabilities and that certain 'je ne sais quoi' when it strikes maitre d's tiny, little head.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

'Whoa, this is an exiguous amount of cheese for $25.00, you need to put on a tie.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

"Well, you can tell them I don't make farce pour mousses de poisons et de crustaces to go."

"I'm tasting notes of oak and red currant."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I come here for the pepper."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.