Food Snob Critique Gifts

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

Inappropriate garnish.

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'A sandwich?'

'There's nothing good to eat!'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

'Are you sure this is a good restaurant, Frank?'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"