Foodie Snob Pillows

"Sorry, but 'plain ol' water' isn't on our menu."

Counting ribs

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Benihana style of cooking.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Important Food Groups

Kitchen Kapers

The Streets - Night

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Burnt or Raw?

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

Avocado Timeline

Will work for Food Network.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."