Foodie Snobbery Pillows

'After crab-cheese canapes, Brazilian fish chowder...'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Inappropriate garnish.

'A sandwich?'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"I can't find a decent bagel in this place."

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

'I love pretentious pasta!'

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

"It's not even artisanal."

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

'No Stilton?...what sort of a food bank is this?'

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

'Whoa, this is an exiguous amount of cheese for $25.00, you need to put on a tie.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

"Dig your garden? Sure... can you cook chateaubriand?"