Culinary Snobbery Pillows

"I only eat food that looks expensive."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Inappropriate garnish.

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'A sandwich?'

Prosecco Drinker

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

"Can we go see 'Home Alone 2'? My friend Jeffrey says it's an important picture."

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

Gentrification of the Fridge.

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."