Food Snobber Pillows

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

Inappropriate garnish.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'A sandwich?'

sports bar buffet : Hotdogs/pizza/Corn-on-the-Ty Cobb

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

Mr. Guppy's entertainment

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

"I can't find a decent bagel in this place."

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

"It's not even artisanal."

'I love pretentious pasta!'

I love Ann - I love chip butties

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

"Yes, we have several specials. But if we offered them to everybody, they wouldn't be special, would they?"

'I can really recommend the fish!'