Food Snobber Pillows

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Inappropriate garnish.

'A sandwich?'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

sports bar buffet : Hotdogs/pizza/Corn-on-the-Ty Cobb

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"The people next door eat a lot better."

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'

Mr. Guppy's entertainment

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

"I can't find a decent bagel in this place."

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

I love Ann - I love chip butties

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

"It's not even artisanal."

'I love pretentious pasta!'

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

'...and was your 5th mouthful to monsieur's satisfaction?'