Food Snobbery Observer Pillows

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

Inappropriate garnish.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

'A sandwich?'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"The people next door eat a lot better."

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

'I love pretentious pasta!'

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

'He's a mixed breed.'

"It's not even artisanal."

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.

'Whoa, this is an exiguous amount of cheese for $25.00, you need to put on a tie.'

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

'No Stilton?...what sort of a food bank is this?'

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

"Sometimes, just to agitate them, I flash my jar on instant coffee."

"It's a bit highbrow for my taste!"