Food Snobbery Observer T-Shirts

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

Inappropriate garnish.

'A sandwich?'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"The people next door eat a lot better."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

'I love pretentious pasta!'

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

"It's not even artisanal."

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

'He's a mixed breed.'

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

Gourmet Deli - Express Check-Out: $1000 or less.

"It's a bit highbrow for my taste!"

'No Stilton?...what sort of a food bank is this?'

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

'Whoa, this is an exiguous amount of cheese for $25.00, you need to put on a tie.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

"Sometimes, just to agitate them, I flash my jar on instant coffee."

'Oh good. I was afraid it was meant for us.'