Gourmet Snobbery T-Shirts

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'