Gourmet Snobbery Gifts

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Haute Chinese

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."