Gourmet Snob T-Shirts

'I love pretentious pasta!'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Haute Chinese

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Join me for dinner?

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."