Gourmet Aficionado T-Shirts

'Don't bring me anything younger than my liver.'

'Why do they always draw us eating this stuff? I could murder a plate of scrambled eggs with truffles.'

'Waiter there's a bug in my salad.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'No Stilton?...what sort of a food bank is this?'

"I'll have the duck Poussin."

Champagne and Oysters

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"I picked a wine that goes well with cheese."

"I judge a church by the quality of the coffee they serve."

'Are you using pesticides?'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"So nice to see things 'a la financiere' again."

'Can I get some carmelized onions on that omelet?'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'I really don't mind him taking the wine's temperature before serving it. I just wish he'd use an oral thermometer.'

'...at last, the woman of my dreams...'

"Do you know our soup is world renowned?"

"To Gouda."

"He's really healthy, except for the grilled cheese."

"How nice. A truffle."

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"