Gourmet Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Oh, come on. You liked it fine before you found out this was a chain."

'Wow-THESE prices!!To think my mother called you a burger-and-a-beer bloke!!'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

Nervous Chefs.

"I'll have the homework special."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

Come dine with me!

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

Haute Chinese

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Thermidor Dali

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Cheese Pile

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Join me for dinner?