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'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"You're the lid to my pot."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Join me for dinner?

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."