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At the Steak Restaurant

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

"Pipe sludge or overpriced sparkling?"

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

Sushi - prawn trapped inside a dish holds up a sign saying 'Help Me'.

"What's for dinner cook?"

Delicious paintings.

"May I recommend the prawns? - The freezer's on the blink and they need to be used. . ."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"You're the lid to my pot."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

French wine

His Her Cakes

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"It comes with a small Greek salad."