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At the Steak Restaurant

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

"Pipe sludge or overpriced sparkling?"

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

Sushi - prawn trapped inside a dish holds up a sign saying 'Help Me'.

"What's for dinner cook?"

Delicious paintings.

"May I recommend the prawns? - The freezer's on the blink and they need to be used. . ."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"You're the lid to my pot."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

French wine

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

His Her Cakes

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'