Gourmet Dining Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I come here for the pepper."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"How's the salmon?"