Gourmet Dining Enthusiast Gifts

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

La Table

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I come here for the pepper."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"How's the salmon?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"