Gourmet Food Enthusiast Gifts

'Have you noticed how the building inspector always arrives around lunch time?'

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

'Can't a cow eat alone at a fancy restaurant without being stared at?'

Come dine with me!

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Haute Chinese

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'This is delicious. I'm glad I didn't try to order in Italian.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."