Gourmet Food Fan Gifts

"They offer a great three-course meal -- one appetizer and two desserts."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

Before/After

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

French wine

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Regular service or affected?"