Gourmet Food Fan Pillows

"They offer a great three-course meal -- one appetizer and two desserts."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"You're the lid to my pot."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Before/After

French wine

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'