Gourmet Foodie Pillows

"Sure, dead is important. But it has to taste good."

'A hot dog won't work when there's steak on the neighbors' grill.'

"I don't think there's time for a quadrille."

'It needs more barrel again, and believe me, I know - I used to be one.'

"The three-Martini lunch looks good."

"No, you certainly may not have a hamburger!"

Drive-Thru Fondue

'Oh, no!'

'Lucky you, we have eleven guests and only ten glasses.'

'Don't you have American processed cheese food in a can?'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Cookbooks

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

To do before Saturday...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Too much cilantro