Gourmet Food Junkie Pillows

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."