Gourmet Feast Lover Gifts

'Not so much a 'free lunch'...more a 'free seventeen course meal with as much champagne as you can drink'.'

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

Church Basement Foodie

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Haute Chinese

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Join me for dinner?

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'