Gourmet Treat Lover Gifts

"Unfortunately for my waistline, the only thing sweeter than mom's holiday greeting is her holiday eating!"

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

"You're the lid to my pot."

You're the puff in my pastry!

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Haute Chinese

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'... Of course, I had to train for this job. I went to sundae school.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'