Gourmet Dining Gifts

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'Aw, cool! Look! They got us a hot tub!'

Grass Snobs

'S'more wine?'

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"May I suggest a wine and a filter setting?"

'In my opinion it's slightly too thin and light on the palette.' - 'That's your water.'

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

'Personally, I've always liked Bordeaux with my Swiss.'

"Four said they'd had better, three said it was disgusting and the other one will be waiting for you in the car park!"

"I hear the school paper gave the cafeteria 5 stars!"

Oyster Bar.

"Pat? de fois gras avec des petits pois et pommes de terre au gratin? Very well, sir ? is generic okay?"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"And what is your preference in wine-single or double figures?"

"I'm very sorry, but you can't have the Chianti. White wine goes with poultry."

'I drink wine for enjoyment, my husband drinks it for analysis.'

"How much longer on your visionary gnocchi, Stefano?"

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

'Dear, here's de cantor you asked for, but he swears he doesn't know a thing about aerating wine.'

'Be careful, Chuck, you're getting some of it in your mouth.'

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

A traveler comments on the red in the sunset. A wine drinker misunderstands, thinking the traveler is referring to the red wine.

"Not the Cape May lump blue-claw crab cake with crème fraîche, fried quail egg, osetra caviar, duck confit, and peach con frutti again?!!"

'Yuk! This wine tastes as if it's been drunk already!'

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'The number 1 dinner is available in an updated version 1.1.'

'Fortunately I know how to make a napoles salad but it'll cost you 14.95.'

To Find out whether you really did enjoy the meal, Jacques the waiter sticks his tongue in your mouth.

"How'd I get here?" "Well, you did say that the chocolate lava cake you had, covered with flecks of real gold, is to die for, right?" "Oh, yeah."

"Oh, wait - I think that's my scab collection. . ."

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

"The best hot dogs in the city should be hard to get."