Gourmet Gifts

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Truffles again?'

'That's it? It sounded a lot better in French.'

'Not authentic, organic & local, again.'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

"Lots of choice, isn't there!"

Pig asking whether the farmers truffles are 'Rum or Champagne?'

Ned Thompson, unpretentious wine taster.

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'The accountants can wait, Tell them I'm tied up in a meeting with representatives from Pomerol Pommard,'

'Savage little brute, isn't it?'

'Our cuisine has moved from the eclectic to the schizophrenic.'

A consumer guide to cheese.

'I'm looking for the perfect coffee to pair with a toaster strudel & a banana.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

This is a classic dish, that I've pulled apart, then reconstructed.

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'Anybody bring some catsup?'

'I'm a situational vegan. If someone else is paying it's an eight ounce kobi steak for me.'

'What an uncanny coincidence! The starter, main course, dessert and wine you've ordered are all the cheapest on the menu!'

'Let's not order the cheap house wine again!!'

Mice spice

'And, as you taste the wine, various sensations are recorded and transmitted to your brain for later befuddlement.'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

"It's just toast, I'm afraid..."

Young Professional Recipe Test

'A sandwich?'

Posh Deli - Fois gras, caviar, animal feed.

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

The perfect man