Gourmet Gifts

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Truffles again?'

'That's it? It sounded a lot better in French.'

'Not authentic, organic & local, again.'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Pig asking whether the farmers truffles are 'Rum or Champagne?'

'Our cuisine has moved from the eclectic to the schizophrenic.'

'Savage little brute, isn't it?'

A consumer guide to cheese.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

"Lots of choice, isn't there!"

'I'm looking for the perfect coffee to pair with a toaster strudel & a banana.'

'The accountants can wait, Tell them I'm tied up in a meeting with representatives from Pomerol Pommard,'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Some fresh-ground soot for your salad, sir?"

Tramp reading Good Food Guide.

'A sandwich?'

Young Professional Recipe Test

"Where do you draw the line?"

The perfect man

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Cheese Shop

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

"The chef would like to thank you for filling in the questionnaire and after watching you on our CCTV, he has these comments for you: You all chose the wrong wine and cutlery with your food and...'"

"For regurgitated food, it's great, but the presentation..."

'Good news, Sir!' We weren't out of Swiss cheese after all!'

'What an uncanny coincidence! The starter, main course, dessert and wine you've ordered are all the cheapest on the menu!'

Lockdown has wreaked havoc with my diet!

"I detect notes of black cherry with a definite undercurrent of poorly washed dishes."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Gentrification of the Fridge.