Gourmet Lifestyle Gifts

Claret

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'A cheeky red?'

La Table

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Cookbooks

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

French wine

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

Too much cilantro

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."