Gourmet Culture Gifts

"You'll love this beer. It's very hoppy."

'Sorry, it's just not the same. I liked to hear the cork popping and the gurgle of pouring wine.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'A cheeky red?'

La Table

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Cookbooks

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

French wine

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"