Gourmet Foods Gifts

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

The Pastrycook and a Greedy Boy

'I thought I'd hate hit because it only got a rating of 74, but then, luckily, I remembered I paid $249.00 for it.'

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

'The Oaky Cellars oak-soaked, double oakified Chardonnay, with extra oak and oak chunks? - Yes, it's a bit oaky.'

His Her Cakes

Wine from all regions.

'Diamonds are so pass?. I prefer the hickory farms engagement sampler.

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Well, they'd give you a pickle with your coffee if you ordered the Cafe Reuben!"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Cookbooks

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."