Gourmet Shopping Gifts

'All I can say is, if you like to try new wines and you hate to have money in your wallet, that's the perfect choice.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'A cheeky red?'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

La Table

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Cookbooks

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

French wine

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Too much cilantro