Gourmet Experience Gifts

"While you were deciding, we raised our prices."

"Not sure if it's French oak, but I'm positive our wine is barrel aged."

"We should get better service, now that I've sent my dumplings back and had a word with the chef."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'A cheeky red?'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Cookbooks

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."