Gourmet Dinner Aficionado Gifts

"Examine the bottle? Sniff the cork? At these prices why am I doing all the work?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"How's the salmon?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.