Gourmet Aficionados Gifts

Luca Barocco's Cannoli Sectional

Butler asking if the meat is too hard

"Hey mister! I saw you eating that frog: are you French?"

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Join me for dinner?

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'Pass the grey stuff.'