Fine Dining Aficionado Gifts

Bottle Opener Strikes A Red Wine Well

"Your meal will be out shortly. The salmon was a little wilder than we anticipated."

'I'll need to see a financial statement before you can order.'

'Now that, my dear James, is what I call a Dog's Breakfast...'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay but that is part of our mission statement.'

'Your table should be ready in a few dollars.'

'Wow! This meal if fit for a king.'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"Global Positioning System. They'll track us down when our table's ready."

'The 'Wine & Women' come with a side order of 'Song.''

'Gar?on!'

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

Obvious.

'Chef has a Michelin star - But for being a loyal tyre customer.'

"The chef would like to thank you for filling in the questionnaire and after watching you on our CCTV, he has these comments for you: You all chose the wrong wine and cutlery with your food and...'"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Won't be long, folks. Just having some new menus printed."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Very good, sir. An excellent, pompous, arrogant and elitist choice.'

'Let's not order the cheap house wine again!!'

"Is there any ketchup in the house?"

A politician speaks.

Le Doggy Bag

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

"Maybe you'd better go ahead and order for me."

"Choices, choices- that's what the top of the food chain is all about."

"We'll have a bottle of your flattest water."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"My bouche was not amused."

The Last Last Meal

"Waiter!"

"Relax―all I want is a good table."

"Allow Me"

"This is not cooked enough..."