Fine Dining Devotee Gifts

'Very good choice of wine sir. There's a 400 percent mark up on that one.'

'Would you like to try the house red, sir?'

"It's bird's nest soup rare!"

"Expense account or regular?"

"Tonight's menu comes on ermine-white period-style paper, 260g/m2, hand-written in iron gall ink, available to take home for a discretionary supplement of £12.50."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'