Fine Dining Devotee T-Shirts

'Very good choice of wine sir. There's a 400 percent mark up on that one.'

'Would you like to try the house red, sir?'

"It's bird's nest soup rare!"

"Expense account or regular?"

"Tonight's menu comes on ermine-white period-style paper, 260g/m2, hand-written in iron gall ink, available to take home for a discretionary supplement of £12.50."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Is the MSG local?"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'