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"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"We're out of flowers."

"Can you recommend a wine that goes well with red meat, Zanex, and Lipitor?"

"The starred menu items are available for celebrities only."

"Wow, you've got to try this combination."

-A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Ask Hodges to pass the salt dear.'

'Perhaps, Monsieur would perfer a different vintage?'

"Excellent...but how's the hangover?"

"This stuff is very expensive, go put on a tie."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'What wine goeth betht with a pierthed tongue?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'One primeval soup, sir.'

'No, no not the 93..try the 91 it was a better year!'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

"I'll have the Mediterranean truffle sea bass, pan seared, and thrown into my mouth from across the room."

"Oops, my bad … It is vinegar."

"I'll have the Master of Business Administration Lunch."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'