Fine Dining Aficionados T-Shirts

'Tartar sauce?! Heavens no. My dentist would kill me.'

"Overpriced to astronomical, sir."

"A bottle of your finest formula for the table."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"The bad news is New Jersey will be cutting back on our school lunch program."

'Wow-THESE prices!!To think my mother called you a burger-and-a-beer bloke!!'

Annoyed waiter pours wine over picky wine connoisseur.

'Bloody New Labour...I'm worried about the cost of living.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

Wine taster with mineral water

"Gentlemen, I'm afraid we may have to loosen our belts."

"Here, this might fit."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Life is for the birds.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"