Dining Out Aficionados T-Shirts

"Actually, I'm not hungry anymore. While I was waiting for my scone, I had one of your delicious sconces instead!"

'OK, who ordered the prawn cocktail?'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"Expense account or regular?"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

Am Awful Crammer.

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'