Dining Out Aficionados T-Shirts

"Actually, I'm not hungry anymore. While I was waiting for my scone, I had one of your delicious sconces instead!"

'OK, who ordered the prawn cocktail?'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'A cheeky red?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Expense account or regular?"

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

Am Awful Crammer.

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"You and your daft inventions."