Dining Aficionados T-Shirts

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

Mammoth on the menu

"Would you care to select your chicken?"

"...and, of course, the chicken is free range."

"...And are you enjoying your stake night, Mr. Van Helsing?"

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

'Like it? It's my digital vest, it calculates calories, portions and price per pound!'

'You may hang up if you want. I just don't want to eat alone in public without a cell phone in my hand.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'A cheeky red?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'