Dining Out Aficionado T-Shirts

'Waiter, there's a subpoena in my soup!'

"Very lean, fresh from a pilates class."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"Careful. Plates are hot, cold and just right."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

Champagne cork damages ceiling.

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

"May I recommend a liver sir?"

'How's the curry?'

" and my husband will have..."

'Gypsy music may not be your forte, Nigel, but there was no need to keep heckling him!'

"Yes I know I ordered fresh crab but..."

Catsup vs Ketsup.

"We're looking for that wine that got away."

"All our water is locally sourced. From a little something we call 'the kitchen faucet'."

BYOB

"Our Fettuccine is eaten with spoon and fork. Angle Hair gets a comb and scissors."

'Boy, when they say one trip salad bar, they MEAN one trip salad bar!'

'Who ordered the mushy peas?

"Do you want the check all for one or one for all?"

'Don't be upset, the wine is off anyway.'

'No, I'm afraid it doesn't have actual children on it.' (witch reading children's menu).

'I'll give you a tip, stop looking down my wife's dress.'

"What goes with fish and bad conversation?"

"My compliments to the SOMMELIER."

"I've added eighteen percent to your bill because it's more than fifteen percent."

Little Miss Muffet Does Lunch

"Moo goo gai pan looks good."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."