Dinner Aficionado T-Shirts

'Try to finish it all, our dog ran away.'

'Look, I'll be brief. I love you, let's eat and hit the sack.'

"Excuse me waiter. I think my wife's squid is a little under-cooked."

'I laid 3,000 eggs today, and you expect me to dress for dinner?'

Dinner and Theatre

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

La Table

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'