Eating Aficionado T-Shirts

'Of course your stomach's upset after a big dinner. No pain, no gain.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

La Table

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Party time.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"Your meal sounded nice."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'