Diner Aficionados T-Shirts

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

"I'll have whatever I'm hearing being opened in the kitchen."

Blue Bird Diner: 'Food like mother used to regurgitate.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

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Thousands of people gathered today to protest the nation's laws on marijuana, when suddenly everybody lost interest and ended up in a local Denny's.

"I should've let him pay the check!"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'A cheeky red?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Who gets the decaf?'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"