Restaurant Aficionados T-Shirts

"Waiter! I need a doggie bag and a body bag, please."

It is lonely being an old man - but not being a ...

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Life is for the birds.

'A cheeky red?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

Advanced footsie

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'